i hate people when they’re not polite

This is what the state of our union should look like.

A study in contrasts, or why the Susan G. Komen Foundation can go screw itself, and why I will be working to re-elect President Obama this fall. 

Talking to my sister-in-law last night, she mentioned that Facebook is too much for her right now. “It’s all breast cancer and Planned Parenthood.” She’s right. You open your news feed right now, and it’s a wall of pink and rage over the Susan G. Komen Foundation’s decision to pull its grant funding for breast cancer screening from Planned Parenthood. People are mad, and rightly so. It’s intense. It’s emotional. It’s good to see people wake the hell up and care about something.

I have to admit, I’ve had a personal issue with the whole Komen Foundation brand for a while now. The pink thing has always bugged me. It’s just so girlie and patronizing. I hate how it genders. I hate that it serves as a “brand” for females as a whole when people are not products. It doesn’t speak for me. I’ve never been a pink girl (although, most of my sporting equipment is lavender, for some non-premeditated reason). I’ve never really wanted to be around girls who were. If I were suddenly diagnosed with breast cancer, I wouldn’t want to have to regress to wearing that color as my mandatory badge of honor. I have to agree with author Barbara Ehrenreich that the whole pink ribbon marketing that the Komen Foundation has injected into the battle against breast cancer not only sets back feminism as it infantalizes women as a whole, but it is especially damaging those who are in greatest need of strength as they fight the fight of (and for) their lives. Why make women into girls at the point in time when they’re facing their mortality and losing a part of their body that defines their mature femininity? It never does ring true with me, and it doesn’t rob the cancer boogey man of its malignancy no matter how rosy a shade they give it

The whole Komen Foundation is just too glossy, too slick, too corporate for my taste, too. I shouldn’t be surprised that they were in the pockets of politicians, especially given that their founder, Nancy Brinker, served in George W. Bush’s administration. I never really saw the work they did or any tangible gains being made. Breast cancer and those it strikes aren’t a commodity to be sold, and yet they’ve been selling them for decades now. I think the women who actually battle, survive, and yes, die from breast cancer get lost in the message like the trees for the forest no matter what kind of show the Foundation makes of trotting out pink-clad survivors to do their little turn on the runway and wave their little hats in front of the crowd at the start of every Race for the Cure (a trademarked term, by the way) or at the occasional NFL halftime during the month of October.

This is difficult for me to say given that I actually lost an old and dear childhood friend to breast cancer late last year. I grew up with Ronda Martz Lopretto. We went to junior high and high school together. We both worked at the local movie theater our senior year. I still see her face on the ticket girl every time I approach a box office. I liked her immensely. She was a sweet and bright and kind and funny and gentle and beautiful soul with big blue-grey eyes and a voluminous head of gorgeous hair. Her smile lit up the room. She was a loving and loved wife and mother. She was my age when she died and spent her 30s battling breast cancer only to lose the fight before she turned 40. I miss her, and I’m devastated to know that she no longer walks this planet with me. It’s cruel and unfair and bullshit. She should be here still. Her friends poured out their grief by gathering together to honor her memory and strike a blow against her killer at the Race for the Cure last fall. They formed a team and raised money and ran and walked to forget the pain of the sister they had lost just weeks before. It gave them something to do to make them feel like they made a difference, an annual ritual that made breast cancer’s victims and their loved ones feel like they could take action against an invisible foe. That ritual was designed to take away the victim stigma. When the Komen Foundation politicized the fight against breast cancer this week by attacking Planned Parenthood, an organization that should be their close ally in the cause for women’s health, they robbed women like Ronda’s friends of something to believe in and an constructive outlet for their grief. They betrayed and victimized and dis-empowered and diminished women everywhere. They insulted and abandoned us, and we don’t like being made to feel like dupes or second class, baby-making, abortion-having citizens. They did a disservice to the memory of the woman for which the foundation is named. Poor Susan G. Komen. She doesn’t deserve to have her name maligned so. Her sister should be ashamed of herself.

Mostly, though, they woke a sleeping giant. Instead of feeling victimized and disenfranchised by the Komen Foundation’s baffling move, they took up arms in social media and the traditional press to make their enraged voices heard, and the Foundation listened — too little, too late. Bye bye now. It’s a public relations disaster that any moron could have predicted for them. And can I just say that Nancy Brinker’s face freaks me out? Seriously. Eat something, woman. You look like the Crypt Keeper. Really, though, my own personal pettiness is neither here nor there. The fact of the matter is that the Komen Foundation helped to remind women and the men behind them of their mass influence this week. Taking away an outlet to strike out against cancer means that the hate and anger is now redirected and focused on the Komen Foundation with laser precision. Power to the people has meant the end of the Race for the Cure and the pink hats and t-shirts and water bottles and all the branding that hasn’t done a damn thing to cure breast cancer over the past 20 years. The Komen Foundation has met its match, and it’s called Facebook. Welcome to the 21st century, bitches. Lesson the first: Don’t fuck with your fan base. They are the hand that feeds you.

As an aside, I would like to mention that I myself have been a benefactor of Planned Parenthood’s services, and no, they’re not my abortion provider. When I was working on my first graduate degree back in the early 1990s, I did not have insurance, and the campus health center did not provide annual well woman exams, STD testing, or birth control. Planned Parenthood to the rescue. Thank you, PP. I still support you financially to this day because of it, because I want the frank, respectful services you provide to women that say you believe we have brains in our heads and the ability to think and advocate for ourselves to be there for other women who need you. I also want you to be there for me, should I need breast cancer screening in the future. Women need options. I am heartened to see that Komen’s loss has parlayed into Planned Parenthood’s gain in spades. Good on you, America.

This week’s development around this issue has been fast and furious and couched in the larger issue of increasing animosity and disregard for our fellow man in this country. Those in power seem to have nothing but the deepest disdain for those weaker and more in need of help than they, to say nothing of the general vitriol that characterizes the campaign for the GOP nomination in this election cycle and their sickening displays of nastiness and hate that we have been calling as “debates” but come across as more of a an attempt to replicate a WWE Smackdown match. The debates are really nothing more than a rhetorical pillow fight among a confederacy of dunces. No battle of wits there.  I will admit to rubbernecking more than one multi-car pile-up with casualties in my time, though, so I know more about the debates than I wish I did. Every glimpse I get of them robs me of a little piece of my soul I’ll never get back. This pitiful display has offered up a political counterpart to Komen’s snafu this week by sacrificing Republican front-runner Mitt Romney on the altar of current affairs with his statement that he doesn’t care about the very poor in our country. Like Komen, he tried to retract and backpedal on this statement, but the horse has already left the barn. We all now know he’s a bootstrapping asshole (well, we already knew that) who sees no value in our nation’s “have nots.” Being poor or a woman or in need of any help at all from something like Planned Parenthood in this country makes you less than human in the eyes of the power elites. Worse yet, they’re ok with saying so. Being a hegemonic jerk is in vogue. They think there will be no repercussions. No comeuppance for them from the great unwashed. It’s somehow acceptable and politically chic to be a hater. It’s ok to be dismissive and rude to your fellow American. What the hell is that all about?

And this is why I have the now-famous photo of President Obama embracing Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords at last month’s State of the Union Address at the top of this blog post. Not only is Giffords a hero — an example of a strong woman who battled adversity to keep her life and thrive despite daunting odds and an icon of the survivor myth that the Komen Foundation has been selling us (note: she’s not in pink) — but she’s a symbol of class, courage, and quiet strength in the face of insanity and hatred in this country. She is a pillar of forgiveness who has put her ego aside to serve her state and her nation. She’s what we should all emulate. And she’s a woman. A powerful woman. She and the leader of the free world are locked in a tender, loving, honest, and touchingly poignant embrace in that picture. They are both so strong and vulnerable — and strong in their vulnerability — in that photograph. He obviously loves and cares about her and is glad that she is alive and well for him to put his arms around. She is happy to be held and so melts into his arms and goes so far as to relax and rest her head on his shoulder like a child. Time stops around them in this intimate moment between two people who seem to have no regard for the fact that they’re in a room full of people that the whole world is watching. The President has important business to attend to, but not so important that he cannot stop to properly greet and show affection toward his friend and fellow public servant. It is a moment that give earnest and unmistakable insight into their character.

The photograph captures a moment of love and compassion and civility and proper priorities that our national discourse is sorely lacking at the moment. Those are my values, and, to be honest, as silly as it sounds, it reminded me of why I voted for Obama in 2008 and why I will be voting for him this November. In that instant, he won my vote back. Call me emotional, but that’s all it took. Actions speak louder than words; rhetoric and politics be damned. That little moment, that pause in the crowd reminded me that our President is an advocate for social justice and human who really and truly gives a damn about his fellow man and our condition as a whole. The least among us is his brother. He treats us with respect, including women. We need more of that. I need more of that. He might not be Superman or the Second Coming, but he’s kryptonite for hate and greed and selfishness, and how can I not choose that? I don’t recall much of the speech he made that night, but his embrace of Giffords, and hers of him, was a political watershed moment for me. I will continue to believe in and choose a love and hope that says “yes” to humanity and the social condition, and I hope as many Americans as possible will wake up and choose it with me. We might not solve all of our problems that way, but, like we did this week, we can send the message that the growing culture of meanness and intolerance in the country will not be tolerated.

Advertisements